Most of my writings include subjects like jobs, trips, adventures, homes, vacations, people, fantasies, and events; these topics threaten to crowd out what really matters: Jan and our five children. Speaking of fantasies, there is an old story called Cornelia’s Jewels that would make a good preface for this ~ you can “Google” Cornelia’s Jewels sometime.
Jan
I won’t try to write poetry. Perhaps in that future without time I can contract a collaborative composition from W. Shakespeare, R. Burns, and R. Browning for Jan. Despite any scoffing from skeptics I insist that I experienced love at first sight when we met. Light and delight, passion and discovery came into my life! Through sixty-six years, Jan has journeyed from being the object of my love, the source of love for me, my partner in parenting, and now to her present role of giving each day purpose and meaning. We have finally reached the stage where our life together contains more elements of calm and serenity, steadiness and dependability. Back in the midst of child-raising, and budgets, and constant turmoil, there were many occasions for us to assure one another, “just because I’m angry with you, doesn’t mean I love you less.”
Jan critiques and moderates my impulses and has even begun to know my thoughts. She knows my shortcomings from experience and can see right through my excursions into sophistry. But she meets my needs for affirmation, acceptance, and approval. Jan is known for her unique way of mixing idioms and splicing different figures of speech together; she is never hesitant to speak her mind, but always touches those around her with her love through a ready smile and a warm disposition.
Lisa
Our first-born! That first child becomes first in many things, and that has been Lisa’s role. She was the first person to enter into our lives and became the first subject for our clumsy experiments in parenting. The first to walk to kindergarten, the first to graduate, the first to bring a boyfriend home, and the first to marry. Woven into these milestones were other firsts, like the first to test (and go beyond) the boundaries of our disciplines and many others, including the first to present us with a grandchild.
Lisa’s profile of forehead, chin, and cheekbones gives me glimpses of my mother. Her life has reflected greater sorrow than anyone should have to bear when her husband David died at the height of his life while their three children were quite young, and later with the death of her son Nate, a victim of fentanyl. Carrying the crosses of aloneness, of single parenting, and of being the primary provider of her children’s needs has also earned Lisa the admiration, respect, and support from many sources. After twelve years of being single, Lisa provided us with another first: to fall in love again and experience “the second time around” of marriage to a wonderful man, Jeff McLinden. Lisa lives life with both gentleness and toughness; she has earned the right to expect lots of joy and much that is good to fill her new life with Jeff and to be the first to see her children grow into mature adults.
Dan
In grade school, I read the classic “Little Men” by Louisa May Alcott. A character in that book - a boy named Dan - intrigued me and stayed in my memory. I’m sure the book is terribly dated and dropped from recommended reading lists by now, and there were no Dan’s in our family, but that name became my favorite. Then when I met Jan’s Uncle Dan Ryan, I felt like yes, this is who the adult Dan from “Little Men” would have become. My first son would be named Dan; a perfect older brother for his younger siblings to rely on and a patient and loving father to children of his own some day.
Jan was pleased and ready to name our first son Dan after her Uncle Dan. And I have been delighted and proud to watch Dan become the personification of everything I wanted him to be as an older brother to Paul and Steve and Linda, as a father to his own children, and husband to his wife Shelly. Just as Lisa reminds me of my mother, Dan reminds me of my father. When I see him walking at some distance, I see my father walking. He “followed in my footsteps” as an engineer at Caterpillar, which gives me great pleasure also. But most importantly, he is the perfect “Dan”: as a brother, as a husband and father, and, last but not least, as a son. Sometimes it seems difficult to find a good model for a father, or a son, or a brother. I need to look no further than to Dan because he represents all three.
Linda
The most endearing quality that Linda possesses is her radiance. Everyone notices when Linda enters a room, because the room lights up. She has Jan’s personality with seasoning! She can wrap me around her little finger, and she can express her love and affection with words and gestures better than anyone in the family. I keep coming back to the word “radiates”. Linda has always been a fast learner of social skills as well as academically. She picks up immediately what a particular situation calls for and is very sure of herself and of her social instincts. She is self-reliant and dependable, always ready to help, but never seeming to need help.
Linda earned outstanding credentials in the business world starting the day she graduated from college. She earned her CPA in the shortest time possible. She married James (Sparky) Barr, a very gifted man who found an opportunity to work at Microsoft too good to pass up, so Linda set her own ambitions in the business world aside and became “the outstanding woman behind the outstanding man” when they moved from Chicago to Seattle and back to Chicago and eventually to Florida.
. Her life continues to unfold at a blinding speed, always supporting Sparky but also inspiring their three “high-performance” children... and now she is a high-performance grandmother! With so many demands to be met, I’m always amazed at how much time she has left over for me. Linda is energy, light, passion, loyalty, and love.
Paul
I see a lot of myself in Paul. Jan and I were going to name this son David Paul, but his cousin came along a month ahead - David Ryan - so we reversed to Paul David and he became Paul. Paul is the name I chose as my patron saint when I was confirmed, probably the name I’d have chosen for myself, if it worked that way. Paul started with a dream to be a doctor from a very early age. He pursued that dream against the obstacles of endless years of education and training and many dollars of expenses. He set a standard for determination and perseverance that inspires the next generation of young people in our extended family to follow his example, if not his calling.
Paul has many talents. His artistic skills include drawing and painting and sculpturing, all beyond me! His work in reconstructive surgery is a good complement to his wife Kim’s work in dermatology. Paul has creative verbal and visual communication skills; he has the ability to express himself well, although he has allowed his writing skills to lie dormant. He is an excellent teacher and a very effective and respected leader in his field of plastic surgery. Paul is his own worst critic and becomes impatient with himself and with life in general at times. I think some of his restlessness is caused by the temptation to explore one more subject of interest that is constantly tugging at him. Paul is still “just getting started” in some disciplines; just to be able to continue observing him makes me want to live to be 100 years of age.
Steve
God gave us Stephen! Our last son has been a great gift. I think the name Stephen seemed to have a spiritual sound and meaning for us at the time, and we didn’t hesitate to choose this name. Steve was the subject of lots of love from his older sisters and lots of teasing from his older brothers. The time span between Steve and Lisa is almost eleven years. He has both Smith and Ryan genes; I have jokingly made the comparison to the three brothers in the Godfather movies, saying that Steve would be the Michael Corleone character. He is youthful and quiet and unassuming in appearance, but the one that is probably the toughest. Steve’s also our natural athlete.
Steve’s greatest contribution to our family took place when we moved to Japan. I saw the move as a very traumatic situation and feared that I was fatally fragmenting our family. What was going to happen to us! When Jan and I would be distraught by our impossible distance from family and feeling sorry for ourselves, Steve would become the “parent”, maintaining a calm and steady composure. He tried to ignore our “whining to ourselves”, while his steady presence carried us through our most turbulent and stressful times. He is now married to the most beautiful person, Malia, and has a most beautiful family of three boys in California. That is the only negative thing I can think of with respect to Steve: he is too far away.